Ooops!

Hey there!

Oops, I haven't tweeted for months! Apologies.

BUT I'm back! I know it's been a while, but like I was writing posts I never finished, or became ones I didn't want to send due to what they were about and stuff. But it's been a while and I don't think I can desert this blog as I actually enjoy writing. Despite the fact I have a dissertation I should be doing right now as to be honest, it's a constant worry in life at the moment.

So I haven't posted since New Years, so maybe I should make this post about me and what has actually happened since then and stuff. Although that simply says let's talk about New Years and the fact I'm 21 (which I just accidentally wrote as 32...that was a little scary haha).

Well New Years was in Plymouth and it was awesome. Everyone got drunk, we probably made resolutions and we probably all broke them within an hour, they were probably all "I shall stop drinking"...FAIL! But so far what has this year been...

I guess in the first 5-6 weeks of the year for me it has been a bit of a mixed bag. Work is now the factor that drags me down, although towards the end of last year I was feeling possibly the happiest and most free since before the London 2012 Olympic games (not because the Olympics made me permanently moody though!), I dunno how I changed my outlook, it kinda just happened when Liverpool beat Spurs 5-0, which I think was totally unrelated, however I decided I wouldn't go back so since then it has been a move forwards only operation. Which has been good. I mean, I'm not going into detail but it doesn't feel like anything in the past is getting me down, just that dissy and the fact I lose my Uni Independence in only a few months!

And then I am 21. Well this is strange, I can now drink in America which makes any prospect of a trip over the Atlantic, way more attractive. In the UK however it feels like there is not much more I can do and stuff. It's just a number anyway. It's in your head where you're old, young, tired, fed up, optimistic, damaged goods, innocent etc. Maybe not so much a choice, maybe in a way it is, but it's how life's treated you I guess. So after hitting a new number, I've had to really get used to the idea I have to do a lot of work, most days, to get my dissertation done. So that is what I'm doing. Well aiming to do every day and then hopefully doing. So wish me luck as I write and ask questions about media piracy!

Right, I shall post about some real subjects later. I will also start making a thing of my sections on this blog more often. But for this post at least I must bow out. Thank you and goodnight!

Life's simplicity...and why it seems oh so impossible

Hey guys.

So it's now the Christmas break and well...the social life is dead (it only came back after a week or two yesterday after I finished my media law). Anyway today has been a pretty long day to be honest, with a detour to Cardiff on the way back to Shotingham...a place that to be fair, is totally not me! But I've been thinking how life isn't simple. Now I must explain, I don't really seem to be that much of a positive person in Nottingham, like the attitude kinda changes. It's like here I know nobody and have a lot of time to ponder. And well with the rest of today as well...I really have had a lot to ponder.

1. Moving
One thing I've hated through my life, is leaving friends behind. To be fair when we first moved to the Isle Of Man I was four. Anyone knows that at four you're not going to really understand the concept. I just knew we were moving to an Island where I was gonna go to school as Dad had got a job there. And to be honest, unlike anywhere we have been before, Redruth and Cornwall that, as a family, there are links that mean that these places are visited still. Unfortunately, that is not such the case from that point. I mean we moved to Cambridge where I had a pretty great batch of friends through year 5 and 6 and well, now I may have one or two on Facebook or follow them on Twitter or Instagram. I don't talk to them and I've only been back to Cambridge two or three times since and I've not seen any of them in any visit. The Isle of Man I've seen less of since, we went back once. Again my contact with all of my friends there seemed to die. I wish I still had contact with both groups of friends, but in reality, when you're that young and before even video messaging. You want to go out with your friends have a laugh with your friends, not compose an email or MSN with them. It's not fun at 11. To be fair it's not really fun at 18 or 20 but I guess now, like with friends from Bideford, especially +Ryan I get to like play games and voice chat. But that brings me onto my worst move. Like obviously now when I move I fear losing contact more nowadays, because of the Isle of Man and Cambridge, especially when it's hundreds of miles. So moving to Nottingham was a nightmare.

When you spend 7 years making an extensive group of friends and you're forced to just walk away from them, when you've lost all friends like that before AND when you're 18 and meant to be having some of the best times of your life, it's quite bluntly shit. Like, you know some you will lose, because when you have a fairly large load of friends, you can't just Facebook or Tweet every single one regularly. You only keep your closest. Which is rubbish when you think if you still lived there you'd still have the more peripheral friends, because those people have a positive impact. You lose a number of them and that's a big thing. It's horrible. I can name to you a list of people that due to moving I have no real contact with who I would still like to have contact with.

And now my parents are probably moving to Cardiff (leads well to the next subject :L) so once again I'll be moving. And well it means less to me this time, a lot less, because I haven't really made friends in Nottingham (another subject I'll get too) and by all accounts, I'm a southerner.

2. Relationships
Not exactly the most prime concern in the world. It's probably more my idiocy with them. I'm more frustrated by the way like you can't really pick and choose who you like. And what if you don't stop liking them? What if you see a chance? It's more the confusion in not knowing what the bloody hell to do with it. Like I've been single since June 2012 and since then has a girl who really interests me come along? No. It's kinda shit this one because I don't even know what to say or how to put this on paper. Living in the same city as the girl who I was last in a relationship with is something that would be interesting. Even now it's just a difficult subject. I'd like the right chance to come along generally. It isn't in Nottingham and I would say it isn't in Plymouth really. To be honest this is a subject where really I'm mindfucked. Don't even know what to do in this subject. It frustrates me. But there's nothing I can do about it.

3. Friends where there is no school/uni and no jobs.
Okay, to an extent this one could be argued to be a fairly big one. I spend most of my year at Uni, which is awesome. I live in a house with my best Uni friends on the whole. And well it's great. But like whereas people go back to where they went to school, I don't. I never went to school in Nottingham. Never set foot in a school in Nottingham. I've applied for countless jobs, but there hasn't been a proper job. ASDA seem to essentially employ family members of it's current staff I swear and besides, due to cuts loads of people who probably had better jobs beforehand now have to work in these places. There is nothing for a student to do here unless you want to knock door to door for a charity getting abuse shouted in your face (I tried, but I got to a point I was going to shout back at the next dickhead who came up with abuse, plus it was pay per sign up. People don't generally want to sign up to direct debit £10 a month to a charity at the moment! Overall it was a humiliating form of job). Therefore I don't get a social life. And yes, my parents are good and all that, but you can't spend all day every day with the same people, same interests etc. It just doesn't work. I get bored. Then I ponder. Then I feel shit. It's how I work. To be honest, it's how I feel right now.


So yeah, basically, if 2014 could like make itself simple. I'd be bloody grateful. If the end of 2013 would sort itself out to give the year a bit more of a positive edge after a pretty negative 2012 as well I'd also appreciate it yeah? So if there is a factor in making fate, please, positive? From now? 

So yeah, comment below with thoughts, I'll admit in areas I've kept vague and some people may know more than others, so if you are a close friend and want to comment I ask you to respect that.

Thanks

Things I'd Tell My Teenage Self: Part 2

Hey there!

On Sunday I FINALLY published the first "Thing's I'd Tell My Teenage Self" but there was so much that I decided to turn it into a two part post. So here is my second part. If you haven't seen the first post it covered Relationships and Girls, Money and Friendship, you can read it now by clicking here!

So onto today's post. This post will cover family before going on to just general shorter bits I would tell my teenage self. To get all interactive and stuff please comment below or send a tweet to (@totalJPM) or use the hashtag #JPMTeenSelf and we can have an uber-cool discussion!

So sit back, put your reading glasses on if you need them and enjoy the post!

Family
Well this is one that can be a little strange. With family you can't choose them, you accept them. Obviously saying "accept" sounds reluctant, however that is not the way I mean it. You usually share things in common with your family, whether it be through living in the same enviroment as them or whether it's biological. But all families do have clashes from time to time and all of us may well have things we wish we could change, decisive decisions for instance. The one thing family can have over some friends is that family unconditionally look out for you in most instances, they're there to help you in that time of need. Well mine are. So yeah.

That said, we've had our fall outs. I mean there have been clashes, me and my sister can clash over what is on the television, particularly as my TV actually gets no channels since we moved to Arnold. Which sucks, but it's livable without the internet! I think that a lot of the clashes come because of an incident that I mentioned, the move to Arnold. Not gonna lie, I'm not a big fan of the north and I'm also not a big fan of being 250 miles away from the friends I made during the school days. I'm still not, but what can I do? This said when I find a day where everything seems wrong, that is ammunition that seems to come out. And in a way maybe it has stretched everyone with incidents during it. But it's not the first time we moved, it won't be the last time my parents move. Although they possibly won't have the hassle of Kaye and myself so much. One can at least hope one finds a job after Uni anyway! I think the whole point of the paragraph would be that yeah, the family stretched and I think at points that led to issues and really I'd look back at it and say, I didn't like it but maybe I should have accepted it rather than let things go to shit. I have Plymouth now, most of the year. So yeah.

I think the other thing is, my ambition for a fair part of my life was to be successful but in the country so we could have a lot of contact, however I think now I see a possible life afield from the United Kingdom. To be honest I've become more and more disillusioned with the country and I would now love to go and work abroad after Uni. However this said, my Dad has concerns that we could "not see eachother at all" if I did go to the other side of the world. Now here comes a balancing stool, I mean, do I go and put my ambition first or that concern first. As I've grown up technology has become better. I also have had conversations with other members of my family about it. I think I'd tell my teenage self, the sky's the limit. Look afield, out of the box and consider these options. Don't be held back by concerns, but find ways to deal with them, the only person who would regret not looking abroad is myself!

I would say, whatever family you have, the important thing is to be yourself, just because your whole family live somewhere doesn't mean you have to live there, just because all your family have had one profession, doesn't mean you need to be of that profession. Go where suits you, do what suits you! Just don't forget where you're from.

All of that is kinda what I'd tell myself now. But here are some short things I'd tell my teenage self:

1) Just because life has taken a shit turn, does not mean that it's the end of the world.
2) You're gonna make mistakes, so rather than cover them up and try to make the mistakes correct, face it and learn from it!
3) Go outside that comfort zone more.
4) Be ambitious, you're young, so yes, the sky is the limit.
5) Put more effort into everything, good grades are something that can be shouted about later even if its "geeky", winning something can be shouted at immediately.
6) If there is a problem deal with it don't just sit and watch it grow. This applies if it's physical, medical or emotional.
7) Going to Dr Ankers Geography class when you've made a piece of homework she's set in the 5 minutes before school is not a good idea!
8) Don't live in a bubble around yourself, friends go through shit too, maybe it's worse than your situation, be a proper friend and help them as well!
9) If something happens you're against, stand up. Regardless.
10) Be yourself and things will come!